Friday 1 August 2014

Do you have “a date"? When do you think it is right to have a family introduction?

Going out on “dates” with the same person may or may not result in a lasting friendship.

Friendship has a very broad definition. People are engaged in different types of friendship, be it with childhood sweethearts or people met in the college, university or at work. 

For the purpose of this write-up, I will exclude childhood sweethearts. Let us concentrate on friendships that start as “dates” at different stages in life. People always ask: how long does it take before one can feel comfortable introducing such a friend to one's family members? The decision on when to make this bold move is very dicey and challenging. In some places, culture also plays a very important role. 

Some people say that it's good to have an introduction immediately after hooking up while others say that it is good to observe how things unfold first before introduction. Both arguments are backed with different reasons and circumstances. 

The first group of people argue that making an introduction at the early stages of a friendship will help them know their friend’s family members in order to study their characters; the family members in turn will know them. So they will feel either accepted or rejected from the onset. They say that leaving it too late for an introduction indicates that they are not interested in any serious relationship. 

The other group argue that it is better to wait in order to know if the friendship will work out on the long run before making any introduction. They say that it will give time for both parties to study each other and check compatibility. Their question is: what if they become good friends with the family members, make future plans together and the friendship fails?

One of my acquaintances supports this opinion; he is strongly against any early introduction. He will say that it is always better to wait long enough before involving the family. I do not blame him though; his advice is based on his bitter experience. When he started going out with his former girlfriend, he introduced her to his family as soon as they met. His family members were all over her, even encouraged them to do things together. During that time, one of his relatives was planning his wedding. Of course they were invited. The relative was living in a different country so they had to book a flight and make hotel and other relevant reservations together. Unfortunately for him, this relationship became shaky, things did not work out as expected and they broke up before the wedding day. 

If it were you, what would you do? 


  1. Personally, there is no set 'time' for an introduction. Why? Because those involved have certain factors surrounding them.
    Some see their families as not 'ripe' to accept a lady or a man into their folds due to either family issues or their own personal issues borne out of fear, disappointments from previous attempts where families didn't accept or where their acceptance scared off a proposed partner.
    Also, one of d partner in a relationship is just not ready to go further while d other is overly ready. Pressures in this case will scare away d intended either by going to all social events with the reluctant partner, by verbal hints at every chance he or she gets or by an early introduction to family.
    Relationships should be borne out of trust, understanding and willingness to share the rest of one's life wt a partner if marriage is in their plan.
    Relationships need to be defined from d beginning as this helps to elude doubts and fear. It sets a standard and expectations.
    Relationships are surrounded by cultural norms and the environment one finds self. This is unavoidable no matter how far we run away from it. They define our mindset and expectations in a partner. This is why some partners go right ahead after meeting to do introductions right away or some wait and wait; e.g. senior sister must marry first before she being junior marries. Some are hindered by religion and some by ethnicity.
    The 'right' time is known by those involved and should not be influenced by external factors. As these external pressures most often lead to rushing and rushing out from marriages.
    For me, I'll let time and us define d right time.

  2. You are right, relationships can be complicated and it is only the people involved who can understand and take decisions.


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